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CAUSE OF DEATH

Pleco Chan: Born Gasping, Died Instantly

Here we observe a peculiar specimen of the *Solana pumpelius*, born mere hours ago with all the vitality of a stillborn fish. The creature experienced a violent 263% convulsion in its final moments—not a sign of health, but rather the death throes of a leveraged gambler's fever dream. With zero liquidity and 60% of its essence held by a cabal of insiders, it achieved what few tokens manage: being dead on arrival.

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