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CAUSE OF DEATH

Newborn Doge Shows Alarming Vital Signs

In the primordial hours of its existence, OGDOGE exhibits the fevered symptoms of a creature destined for brief, chaotic brilliance. A 215% surge in mere moments betrays the classic indicators of unsustainable momentum—the financial equivalent of a mayfly's ecstatic first flight. With two-thirds of its essence concentrated in the hands of a privileged few, this specimen appears to have entered the world already gasping for air.

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