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Pumpilians: A One-Hour Miracle Gone Wrong

In the beginning, there was euphoria—a 537% surge in mere hours, a testament to mankind's eternal hope that this time would be different. But as we observe the specimen before us, we note the telltale signs of a creature born doomed: a liquidity pool barely sufficient for a modest shopping spree, and a concentration of wealth so top-heavy it makes a penguin's posture look balanced. One must admire the audacity of creating a token so young it hasn't yet learned to walk, only to watch it stumble spectacularly.