CAUSE OF DEATH
Three-Hour Miracle: A Velocity-Induced Cardiac Event
In the grand theatre of decentralized finance, we observe a peculiar specimen—a token that achieved what most require years to accomplish in merely 180 minutes. Like a mayfly experiencing an entire lifetime in a single frenetic afternoon, GOOOOAL! burned with such magnificent intensity that one can only presume the flames consumed the very oxygen required for sustained existence. The revocation of authorities suggests a noble attempt at legitimacy, yet no amount of regulatory theatre can save a creature designed for a three-hour existence.
CAUSE OF DEATH
Unsustainable vertical momentum meets gravity's indifference
EPITAPH
"It scored 441% in the first half, but forgot the match had a second half."
