CAUSE OF DEATH
Newborn Unicorn Found Dead on Arrival
Here we observe the Purple Farting Unicorn in its natural habitat—which is to say, none whatsoever. Born mere hours ago with zero liquidity and 42% of its tokens concentrated among the apex predators, this creature never stood a chance. A textbook case of what happens when fairy tales meet financial engineering.
CAUSE OF DEATH
Instant death by concentrated ownership
EPITAPH
"It farted purple for exactly 24 hours, achieved the impossible volatility of 34%, then vanished like magic—because it was magic, and magic isn't real."