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Papa Elon: Born Dead, Died Anyway

Here we observe a fascinating specimen of the genus *Pump-and-Dumpus*, remarkably still drawing breath despite emerging into the world mere hours ago with all the vitality of a stillborn whale. The creature's liquidity—a meager $10,882—suggests its creators understood they had approximately 45 minutes before the market's natural antibodies would render it extinct. Most peculiar is its Grade B rating, bestowed upon a token experiencing its death throes in real-time, as if scoring a decomposing corpse.