Tired OpossumH8ECExu9sN3kg1CwgVTALmieE8GdnWYsbJUU3DUrXqyp

Newborn Opossum Plays Dead, Stays Dead

Here we observe the Tired Opossum in its natural habitat—mere hours after birth, already displaying the defensive posture of its species. The creature's $83,000 in daily volume suggests a brief, frenzied mating season before the inevitable predators arrived. With 47% of its genetic material concentrated in just ten specimens, natural selection has rendered its survival odds remarkably similar to an actual opossum crossing a highway at rush hour.