CAUSE OF DEATH
Newborn Token Achieves Impossible: Instant Millionaire Status
Here we observe a specimen so precocious, so explosively vital, that it managed to achieve a 1.5 million percent gain in merely four hours—a feat that would make even the most optimistic venture capitalist weep with confusion. Like a mayfly on methamphetamine, xAI burned with such incandescent intensity that one wonders if the laws of financial physics were briefly suspended, or merely taking a well-deserved coffee break.
CAUSE OF DEATH
Premature senescence from excessive exuberance
EPITAPH
"It lived fast, died young, and left a very profitable spreadsheet—for someone."
