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CAUSE OF DEATH

TrollButtSahur: Born Dead, Stayed That Way

Here we observe a creature that never drew its first breath. Gasping into existence mere hours ago, it was immediately suffocated by the crushing weight of its own holders, who controlled seven-tenths of its fragile body. As our specimen flatters about on the exchange floor, writhing with a desperate 31% daily convulsion, one cannot help but admire nature's ruthless efficiency in culling the obviously unfit.

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