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CAUSE OF DEATH

GOAT Token Dies Minutes After Birth

In what can only be described as a spectacular case of neonatal financial failure, the Greatest of All Tokens expired mere hours after entering the blockchain ecosystem. Like a newborn giraffe on the Serengeti, it never quite got its legs under it—though in this case, the predators were its own creators. The creature's final gasps were marked by a desperate 137% price swing, a futile death thrall that fooled precisely no one with functional chart-reading skills.

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