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CAUSE OF DEATH

Golden Retriever's Tragic First Breath

Here we observe a peculiar specimen—born mere moments ago, yet already exhibiting the hallmarks of terminal decline. The creature achieved a miraculous 229% price surge in its infancy, a phenomenon not unlike a mayfly's brief ecstatic flight before the swatter descends. Alas, with zero liquidity and 76% of its wealth concentrated in the paws of its creators, this Golden Retriever was always destined for the shelter.

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