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Lincoln Memorial Crumbles Before Dedication

Here we observe a fascinating specimen of the pump-and-dump variety, stillborn mere hours after conception. With liquidity evaporating faster than morning dew and ninety-eight percent of tokens concentrated in the hands of a privileged few, this token's democratic aspirations—symbolized by its patriotic nomenclature—proved tragically ironic. One might say it achieved what the actual monument could not: complete structural failure.