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Miraculous Resurrection of a One-Hour Corpse

And here we observe a most peculiar specimen—a token merely one hour old, yet somehow possessing the trading volume of a seasoned survivor. Like a mayfly that has already experienced its entire life cycle in fast-forward, WESLEY has achieved a 97.6% price ascension, suggesting either divine intervention or the fevered mathematical fantasies of those who arrived at precisely the right microsecond. The authorities may be revoked, but alas, so too shall be the dreams of its 549 holders once reality's gravity reasserts itself.