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Newborn Token Gasps, Collapses Within Hours

Here we observe the dogwifhat, a creature born mere moments ago into a hostile ecosystem, already exhibiting the telltale signs of catastrophic organ failure. With zero liquidity and a concentration of wealth so severe it would make a medieval monarchy blush, this digital specimen has achieved the remarkable feat of a 1142% price swing—a financial seizure of biblical proportions. The authorities may be revoked, but death, it seems, requires no permission.