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Scumdiers: Born, Pumped, Eviscerated in Sixty Minutes

Here we observe a most curious specimen of the *Pump and Dumpius solanicus*—a creature that achieved remarkable velocity in its brief existence, only to discover that ninety-two percent of its body mass was concentrated in the hands of a select few apex predators. In the end, the illusion of liquidity proved as ephemeral as morning mist on the savanna, and our subject expired before it could even celebrate its first birthday.