CAUSE OF DEATH
Stimulus Check Flatlines After Four-Day Bender
Here we observe the tragic remains of stimulus check, a token that burned brighter than a government spending bill and expired faster than its namesake's purchasing power. In merely 95 hours, this digital artifact managed to achieve the impossible: absolute liquidity death while two holders watched their investment evaporate like morning dew on a foreclosure notice. The authorities may be revoked, but the damage—much like stimulus economics—was already irreversibly done.
CAUSE OF DEATH
Concentrated holdings, zero liquidity collapse
EPITAPH
"At least it lasted longer than the actual stimulus checks took to arrive."
