CAUSE OF DEATH
FIFA Coin: A Beautiful Game, Poorly Executed
Here we observe the remarkably preserved cadaver of FIFA Coin, a speculative instrument that managed to achieve the rare distinction of being simultaneously dead and never truly alive. With seven holders clustered like vultures around a $1,261 daily volume carcass, this token represents nature's cruel reminder that revoking authorities does not, in fact, revoke poor decision-making. The creature's final 11,519 hours on earth were spent in a vegetative state, accumulating the kind of liquidity typically found in a desert aquifer.
CAUSE OF DEATH
Massive concentration, evaporated liquidity, terminal mediocrity
EPITAPH
"It had no mint authority, no freeze authority, but plenty of authority to disappoint its seven mourners."
