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GymJak: Born Gasping, Died Pumped

Here we observe GymJak, a token that achieved the remarkable feat of dying before most investors could finish reading its contract. Born merely hours ago with the structural integrity of a wet tissue, it was abandoned by its creators with all the care one might show a gym membership in January. The 32 remaining holders—mostly bag-holders and the mathematically curious—now contemplate their modest investments with the thousand-yard stare of those who've learned that 'revoked authorities' and 'zero liquidity' are not, in fact, features.