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Patriotic Duck Takes Flight, Crashes Spectacularly

Here we observe the Patriotic Duck in its natural habitat—a mere hour into existence, already inflated to 172% on nothing but pure momentum and patriotic fervor. Like a waterfowl launched from a cannon, it achieved escape velocity through sheer volume ($385k in 24 hours) before gravity, mathematics, and reality reasserted their cruel dominion. The authorities have been revoked, the cap is set, yet somehow we all know how this story ends.