FUTBAWL: Born Dead, Died Anyway

In the beginning, there was liquidity—or rather, there was not. The FUTBAWL specimen emerged from the primordial blockchain merely one hour ago, already gasping for breath in a financial wasteland of its own making. We observe the predator's paradox: 34 holders, 99.4% of whom are the same creature, thrashing violently in the shallow pools of a $104,000 volume, unaware they are trapped in their own illiquid tomb.