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CAUSE OF DEATH

Newborn Token Arrives DOA at Exchange

Here we observe Tobi, a creature born mere hours ago, already displaying the telltale signs of a pump-and-dump carcass. With zero liquidity and 70% of its genetic material concentrated in the hands of ten overlords, this token's spectacular 196% price swing represents not growth, but the final convulsions of a dying organism. The revocation of both mint and freeze authorities suggests a merciful—if belated—act of euthanasia.

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