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Comrade the Chimp: A Primate's Final Screech

Here we observe the remains of Comrade, a token that achieved the remarkable distinction of being simultaneously alive and utterly defunct. With ninety-nine point seven percent of its wealth concentrated in ten hands, it became less a cryptocurrency and more a monument to inequality—a fitting irony for something named after communism. In its final hours, mere dollars exchanged hands, a volume so modest it wouldn't buy a decent banana.