CAUSE OF DEATH
Newborn Token Dies of Concentration Complications
Here we observe Apple Lens, a specimen merely hours old, already exhibiting the telltale signs of venture capitalism's most terminal condition: extreme wealth inequality. With 78% of its genetic material concentrated in ten individuals, this token was essentially stillborn, a pump waiting patiently for its dump. The irony, of course, is exquisite—authorities were revoked to suggest decentralization, yet the distribution pattern suggests a rather centralized funeral arrangement.
CAUSE OF DEATH
Acute bagholding concentration syndrome
EPITAPH
"It soared 130% in its first hour of life, which is either a stunning achievement or a warning sign—nature rarely makes such distinctions."
