CAUSE OF DEATH
Coin: A Stillborn Financial Tragedy
Here we observe the remarkable specimen of Coin, a token so thoroughly dead it makes stillbirths look positively vigorous. Born merely an hour ago to two devoted parents who collectively own everything, it achieved the impressive feat of generating $7,400 in volume while maintaining the structural integrity of a house of cards in a hurricane. Nature's lesson, it seems, is that some creatures are simply not meant to survive.
CAUSE OF DEATH
Catastrophic concentration, liquidity evaporation, instant obsolescence
EPITAPH
"It had two holders and they held all the cards—unfortunately, the house always wins."
