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Newborn Token Burns Bright, Dies Faster

Here we observe a peculiar specimen: born mere hours ago, already displaying the manic euphoria of a 146% pump—a creature so intoxicated by its own existence it failed to notice the vultures circling overhead. The twenty thousand dollars in liquidity, though respectable for an infant, proved woefully insufficient to contain the gravitational collapse that inevitably follows such a violent ascent. By the time the top ten holders realized they were sitting in a zero-gravity chamber with no exit hatch, natural selection had already begun its grim work.