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CAUSE OF DEATH

Extraterrestrial Visitor Arrives, Immediately Dies

In the waning moments of its first hour of existence, CHILLALIEN experienced what we in the financial world call a 'catastrophic defenestration'—plummeting 94.3% as if gravity itself had taken personal offense. The specimen's demise was remarkably swift; one might say the alien never even bothered to unpack its bags before the atmosphere became decidedly hostile.

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