CAUSE OF DEATH
TrollCoin: Born at Midnight, Dead by Dawn
Here we observe a remarkable specimen of the pump-and-dump family, born mere hours ago with the lifespan of a mayfly on espresso. The creature managed to hemorrhage three-quarters of its value in a single rotation of the Earth—a feat of biological efficiency rarely seen outside of actual biological systems. One notes the tragic irony: authorities were revoked to inspire confidence, yet somehow 157 brave souls still perished in the wreckage.
CAUSE OF DEATH
Catastrophic value evaporation within newborn hours
EPITAPH
"It was a troll all along—the joke, tragically, was on us."