SpaceX4RcAJqzW3enmBgLYaEjFqLCtWdwFNvJwAcDcvWYpB2YR

Newborn Rocket Achieves Escape Velocity, Then Combusts

In merely seven hours, the specimen known as SPCX experienced what we in the forensic community call 'the meteoric rise'—a 1.8 million percent ascent so violent it defied the laws of market gravity itself. Yet like Icarus before it, this fledgling token flew too close to the sun, leaving behind only the charred remains of 440 hopeful investors and a liquidity pool barely sufficient to purchase an actual SpaceX commemorative coffee mug.