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Sparky Schrödinger's Bagels: Born Dead, Stayed That Way

In the span of mere hours, Sparky Schrödinger Bagels achieved what most tokens aspire to in months—a catastrophic 89.9% collapse into oblivion. Like a mayfly that somehow managed to lose 90% of its body weight before sunset, this quantum bagel existed simultaneously in states of worthless and more worthless. The remaining liquidity of $4,701 serves as a lonely monument to the eternal optimism of 109 holders who discovered, too late, that revoking mint authority doesn't revoke gravity.