CAUSE OF DEATH
Sparky Schrödinger's Bagels: Born Dead, Stayed That Way
In the span of mere hours, Sparky Schrödinger Bagels achieved what most tokens aspire to in months—a catastrophic 89.9% collapse into oblivion. Like a mayfly that somehow managed to lose 90% of its body weight before sunset, this quantum bagel existed simultaneously in states of worthless and more worthless. The remaining liquidity of $4,701 serves as a lonely monument to the eternal optimism of 109 holders who discovered, too late, that revoking mint authority doesn't revoke gravity.
CAUSE OF DEATH
Instantaneous market saturation and top-heavy whale concentration
EPITAPH
"Here lies PETS: it had all the hallmarks of legitimacy and none of the actual utility—a bagel so Schrödinger-ish, it was simultaneously both the best trade and the worst idea."
