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CAUSE OF DEATH

Fernandes Scores Own Goal in Twenty-Four Hours

In the unforgiving savanna of decentralized finance, the Bruno Fernandes token emerged with all the grace of a striker in an empty stadium. For precisely one rotation of Earth, it performed the financial equivalent of a bicycle kick—spectacular, chaotic, and ultimately fatal. The creature never stood a chance; evolution demands more than a day and dereferenced authorities.

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