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TurboTurtle's Zero-Hour Extinction Event

In what can only be described as a masterclass in evolutionary failure, TurboTurtle emerged, gasped, and promptly expired—all within a single rotation of the Earth. With liquidity evaporating faster than morning dew in the Serengeti and a mere $36.75 in daily volume, this amphibian never even made it to the watering hole. The two remaining holders, presumably the architects of this tragedy, clutch their worthless tokens like a mother turtle protecting eggs that will never hatch.