CAUSE OF DEATH
Newborn Token Found Dead in Crib
In the span of mere hours, the Grown Ahh Man has demonstrated the survival instincts of a newborn giraffe on roller skates. Despite pristine credentials—revoked authorities, respectable liquidity, and a trading volume that briefly flickered like a dying star—our subject has already shed 14.4% of its value, a rate of decline typically reserved for meteors entering Earth's atmosphere. The top ten holders, clutching 40% of the supply like vultures at a feast, appear to have already begun their exodus.
CAUSE OF DEATH
Extreme age imbalance: born senile at zero hours
EPITAPH
"It had all the right moves but forgot the most important rule: in crypto, being new and shiny lasts exactly as long as the developers hold their positions."
