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The Fifa Elephant: A One-Hour Extinction Event

And here we observe the Fifa Elephant in its natural habitat—the grave. Born merely sixty minutes ago, this magnificent creature experienced what we might call 'catastrophic biological failure,' shedding 52.4% of its body mass before rigor mortis set in. The autopsy reveals a tragic tale: liquidity evaporated like morning dew, ninety-eight percent of the beast's genetic material hoarded by a elite predator class, leaving only thirty-six survivors to contemplate their poor life choices.